Dido's post about some NRIs coming back to India, drinking mineral water, shocked at roadside beggars, throwing a false accent, annoying everyone to their hair's end with their 'India is so filthy' slogan has inspired this post. As Soin and Aparna had pointed out, these specimens are also called 'Peters' in Chennai jargon. What these Peters do when they are in India has been very well explained by Dido. I now attempt to shed some light on their behavioural traits outside India, where they live.

For starters, these Peters become Pappus when they are outside India. Their fake accent  and their 'wannabe'-ness is the biggest joke over here. No person from Indian or even non-Indian origin enjoy/appreciate it. They barely tolerate it!

In most cases, basic manners, etiquette, courtesy, in fact every ounce of sociable behaviour is traded for hi-tech electronics and foreign currency. Now I don't know for a fact whether these people were as uncivilized when they were in India...

Talking loudly in their own language on the phone, pushing to get inside the train and catch a seat, not smiling back at people who smile at you, not thanking, not using 'please', not apologising are just the basics.

Here are some examples, so that the next time some Peter shows you attitude and tells you 'why-is-India-horrible' or 'how-unfortunate-you-are-to-still-be-uncivilized' tales, you can show him/her your middle finger (at least mentally)!

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Case 1: Salaam Saab
I sharpened my skills of courtesy here in England. For example, when you open a door and walk inside a shop or a cinema or any public place and you see someone behind, you hold the door for them and give a polite smile when they thank you, and they in turn hold the door for someone coming behind them. Your race doesn't matter, your sex doesn't matter, your age doesn't matter. And how difficult is that? Yet how sweet, kind and polite is that?

I have often seen that when the door is held for these Peters, forget taking it from your hand, forget thanking you, forget smiling, they walk past you as if you were a watchman! Thank heavens that they don't expect a 'salaam saab' from you!

Case 2: Ae Ganpat, chal daaru la
Remember those annoying idiots who call waiters by whistling or making the elongated kissing sound? Those Pappus come out of India and walk into any fine dining restaurant straight inside (they don't wait to be seated), sit down, pick up a menu from the next table and yell out 'Excuse me' , while stretching their legs to the next table! Gosh guys, this is a fine dining restaurant not a 'Vilas Bhavan' or 'Mannu da dhaba'!

Oh and don't even get me started on their tipping habits!

Case 3: Wholesale offer
My visa agent, a Canadian once said
"I had an office in India. I had to shut it down within months of opening it."
Me: Why?
He: (giving a 'why I spoke too soon' look)
      Are Indians rude by nature?
Me: Of course not, why?
He: Well they were pretty rude, you know... They never understood why I said I could not go ahead with their application as the documents were insufficient. They used to yell a lot too. One man came to me and said 'Do my visa for free. I'll give you 6 brothers. You can charge them whatever you want, but do mine for free.' I had a hard time explaining that I cannot pay his visa fee, these applications are handled by other country's home offices and things don't work this way!

I couldn't say he was bluffing, we do these idiotic bargains don't we? Some Pappus just cross the limit!

Case 4: One big happy family
A small B&B owner in Isle of Wight had problems with Indian guests as they would book only two double bedrooms saying there are two couples, but instead of 4, 8 adults and 5 children turn up, women and children staying in one room and the men staying in another!

Case 5: In the air
My friend is a flight purser, an Indian. He has problems with Indians holding a British passport. In the flight they keep asking him for a separate toilet because they are British passport holders (even the British people don't ask for it)! Finally he accepted defeat in trying to explain them that they cannot be provided a separate toilet - so he wrote on a piece of paper 'For British passport holders' and stuck it on a toilet door!

Another friend who is an air hostess says that she hates to do International flights going to or starting from India as many Indians treat air hostesses and flight pursers very badly, like a personal servant! Even the business class passengers!

Case 6: On water
AB and I were once traveling from Calais, France to Dover, England by a ferry. We were sitting on a couch by a bar, and AB had gone to the bar to get drinks. In front of the couch were 4 tables and around 16 chairs - like a restaurant seating. A huge Indian family with umpteen little kids came, the men sat down first, women had to adjust in the remaining seats and children were let to run around the deck like rats let out of a cage! One fat cow, a mother of two sat on my TABLE (not chair guys-table), right in front of me with her gigantic ass right in front of my face! I tapped on her back and said, 'We are going keep food on this table, do you mind?'

She hopped down, no apology, but still left her handbag there! I was fuming with anger, I took it and threw it under the table with a loud 'thud'. She came and quietly removed it - again no apology. The kids were creating a havoc running and yelling, tripping and crying, fighting and pushing! Everybody was looking at the parents expecting them to do something about it, but they were too busy chit chatting loudly in their own language! I hated myself for being there, embarrassed for being an Indian in that deck, owing to their behaviour. In the meanwhile, a 2 year old came to me smiling, I smiled back, and then she threw up on my table! Did she take a revenge on me because I did not let her mother sit there? Anyway the mother sitting right in front of me was so busy gossipping that she took no heed of her sick child. I had to get the child to her and she cleaned the mess and finally said a 'Sorry'. AB came back with the drinks, and we ran out of that deck - we didn't want to be seen anywhere near that family and be associated with them as fellow country men!

Case 7: Again on water
I was reading reviews about this cruise I had taken with my parents ages ago to see if it still was as fantastic as I remembered it. It was.
However one review said something on the lines of
'This cruise operates in Singapore, Thailand and Malaysia. So be prepared for plenty of Indians on board. Indians travelling as couples or small families are fine - they don't bother you. However large families are loud, pushy, rude, children are totally misbehaved, and don't have any concern for the comfort of fellow passengers. Even worse is Indians travelling as a group of friends (males). They stare at every woman, be it married or unmarried, pass comments in their own language and laugh hard looking at you. It made my wife feel very uncomfortable. Apart from them the trip and the cruise was fantastic.'

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There are many more such cases. Any proud Indian reading this would be terribly irritated by the fact that these handful of Peters/Pappus humiliate all of us when they come to India, and destroy our image when they are outside India.
 
So the next time you see any Peter, criticizing India only to show off - I think you know what to do!

P.S: Any suggestions on how to react when I come across Pappus outside India is more than welcome :-)