Archive for ‘August 2009’

I started to write a comment on DiDo's post, realized it became too long, so decided to convert it to a post.

One of my friends, quite modern and outgoing met me after her recent break up. The reason was, the guy thought after 4 years that they could not marry and be happy, so he decided to part ways. I asked her if it was because he wanted a joint family. Her answer was shocking!

"I would any day settle for a joint family. In fact I will  insist that the guy's parents live with us. Do you really think cooking and taking care of kids is something that suits my image? I am going to work after marriage, even if I am not ambitious..."

I kinda understood why any guy would see a marriage not working with this attitude.

Its all wrong and messed up people! Parents have a life(even if its a boring one). It is not OK to expect them to be unpaid nannies of your children and do the dirty work. On the other hand, parents are wrong to hold their children responsible in any way to take care of them as a way of expressing gratitude, returning favours,  or as a matter of duty.

When did the word 'duty' substitute the word 'love' when it comes to family ties? Every relationship thrives on 'give and take' but not on keeping and settling accounts. Love can and should never expect anything in return. Joint family or nuclear, should be a collective decision which treats the feelings of everyone concerned fair and equal.

.....in an ideal world!

PS: These questions arise only in Indian culture...gah

An ant.

Well on my desk are - a black and shiny new computer with two 1280x1024 monitors, pencils, pens in 4 different colours, my lucky pen, a clean smart phone, notepads, personal bin and shredder, a fancy mug, a butterfly painting by my boss's 9year old, my iPod charger and some loose change.

Which is quite sufficient if not luxurious, I must say, to work.

But to idle away time(which I don't have anyway), vent out frustration, block all thoughts, I definitely need my buddy, the ant.

Play with it for long hours. stop it from going towards that small hole where it lives, make it fly by blowing air on it while it holds on tightly to the floor for its dear life, picking it up with a pencil and dropping it far away from its home to see if it can find its way back, create obstacles on its path by placing small objects, or better yet, making a snaky road for it with shoe laces, aaaaah the list goes on...

How well better would I feel after playing with the ant!

(Note: It is not a form of animal rights violation. I give the busy ant a nice roller-coaster ride in its otherwise boring, mundane life and I drop it at its home after all the fun!)

"We know you have a prick, you don't have to go ahead and BE one to prove it!"

Time is ticking
Life unfolds
With every tick
A moment it holds

Moments that came
And went away
Were some promising
Some leading astray

Some with mirth
And joys of love
Some with strife
With the stars above

Each holding colours
Oh so many!
Even cloudy greys
With cream and dark ebony

Each moment so precious
Cannot be revived
Each held a life in it
That was not merely survived!

Time is ticking
Life unfolds
A new faith, a new hope,
Each moment upholds...

I once went to meet my cousins Mini-8yrs and Tiny-4yrs when I was 14yrs old. I hugged and kissed Mini.

Tiny: (eyebrows raised) Why did you kiss her?
Me: 'Cause she is my darling sister just like you
Tiny: (with her 'I know it all expression')You should not kiss girls
Me: (shocked) Why???
Tiny: Girls can only kiss boys and boys can only kiss girls, don't you know?
Me: (am I awake?) Who taught you all this?
Tiny: Nobody teaches these things silly! You discover it yourself!
Me: (persistent) Did you see it on TV?
Tiny: No, not in this case

I am about to faint by now and my aunt walks in. I narrate to her all that has happened so far.

Aunt: Do you really think girls cannot kiss girls?
Tiny: Yes
Aunt: Now wont you kiss me baby?
Tiny: (confidently) No
Aunt: Who will kiss me then?
Tiny: (with a hint of dismissal) Your husband obviously, you wished for the neighbour or what???

I faint.

...Shaadi bina aasan hai jina!

If you are a girl in your 20s, finished studying or started working, you are fresh meat - for pesky relatives, neighbours, friends, in fact, the whole universe! Suddenly the goal of everyone around you is to get you a 'nice lad' and marry you off.

Parents are cool normally, they only get hyper when someone asks them about the marital status of their kid. And when they do get so hyper, heaven save us!

Relatives, the distant ones, are the most annoying when it comes to this topic. After years of listening to them without reacting or rebelling, I decided to be half as direct as them.

My ma's uncle, recently got his daughter (my mom's cousin and my aunt), 3 years younger than me (weird family birth timings), married through some marriage bureau. Apparently her subscription was for a year and she found a groom in 6months, so the uncle was prepared to give me the rest of the subscription for free! How generous... ek pe ek free. How am I supposed to react to this?

Me:Thank you but no thank you
Mind: Am I some kind of a consolation prize? Or someone pining for leftovers???
Uncle (insisted): If you look at her groom, you would say, 'Oh uncle, I want to marry someone exactly like him'!
Me: Well what can I say, she's a lucky girl!
Mind: I am 25 not 5, its her groom, not 'Dream Barbie' that I would like the exact one too!

A distant aunt (in fact she is so distant, that she is not even related to me) has a new found wish-
Aunt: You should marry soon
Me: God willing!
Mind: How can I get rid of her...
Aunt: Before I get old, I mean
Me: Well I thought I should get married before 'I' get old, when did you come in the picture???
Mind: Before you get old???Seriously, when did you last look in the mirror! Hmph!

Relatives are old, probably they lose their mind eventually. But what's wrong with friends who get married before you???

Friend1: You too should get married now, you know
Me: Hmmm when the right time comes
Mind: You know us, we are not ready yet
Friend1: Don't delay it, 5 out of our batch have already tied the knot
Me: Hmmmm
Mind: I didn't know we were competing

Friend2: So when are you giving me the good news?
Me: Chal natkhat, shaadi toh hone de
Mind: I thought 'good news' meant kids....
Friend2: Arre I am talking about shaadi
Me:Oh, well, when are you giving 'the good news'?
Mind: Just because some old women torture you with the same question in the context of a child, you don't have to do the same to your friends without any logic

Friend3:Mera shaadi fix hua, I have emailed you the guy's pic and details
Me: Oh! How wonderful! Congrats :)
Mind: She'll make a lovely bride
The good thought is broken by the next statement
Friend3: Marry next year at least, you'll get old otherwise
Me:(went offline)
Mind: Exfuckingcuse me!!! How dare you say that! £$%^&*

Give us a break! Parents, relatives, friends, even TV as pointed out by Aanya, there are better things to do in life. Why the sudden interest in family census? Think about population explosion for a change...

'I love you' can be said or conveyed in so many ways. I choose one of my ways as cooking the right meal(s).

This method, quite conventional, done for centuries by women, came to me naturally as I always loved to cook. So how simpler can it get, I love to cook, I love a man, I cook for the man, and he loves it!

I try to learn new recipes, from ma, gran, and ever since I started living with him, his mom too. Not all of them are a success at the first go itself, but I have only been reciprocated with generous compliments and more love, salt or no salt, burnt or raw. He also loves to get his friends home for dinner and cook with me.

His mom did scare me at first, saying he does not eat burnt/cold/previous day's food, gave a list of things he has never eaten - more 'Don't s' than 'Do s'.

The man eats anything I serve him on a plate.

One lazy afternoon, a good friend and a housemate, Al was describing how his mom makes prawn pickles. The subject dwelt on pickles for a long time, and I suddenly remembered I had tried a batch of awesome lime pickle a couple of years ago. 'Hey do you remember the lime pickle I made 2years ago? Do you want me to make some this weekend?', I spurted.

'No, there is no need' was the reply. I was shocked and at a loss for words. Al started laughing looking at my face.

'Why, didn't you like it? Why did you ask me not to make? I am sure you don't like it. But that was really rude of you to say like that...', I went on and on and on. Did I feel ridiculed or insecure with what I thought of as one of my talents, I didn't know.

All he had in his defense was 'I only wanted to save you the hassle..'. Al was still laughing.

Quite offended and annoyed I kept quiet all evening.

It only dawned upon me later, that he did mean what he said. He knows how hard I work and he did not want to bother me with any more, that too for making pickle(like I had turned 60)!

After a few days, in the Indian grocery section, he showed me the pickle rack and said with utmost sincerity 'Look how many you can get with no effort. I did not want you to labor over nothing'.

Saying NO was his way of saying 'I love you'.

I have seen relationships with the woman obsessing with what to feed her family, or her partner, the man being (appreciative or not) of his woman's efforts, but I have not seen many where the man protects his woman from turning into a 'cookaholic' and sincerely wants to save her energy for doing other important, worthwhile things, even if it is just lazing with a laptop. It is a step more than accepting a woman for what she is - it is protecting her from what she does not want to become.

AB I love you.

Touchwood :)

OK I agree. I have a long name. Divya Ramasubramanian. 21 characters including the space in between my first and second names. This name has amused some, confused some, gave a few a chance to giggle and even scared some. Some love to butcher it, some make their own versions.

Here goes the aliases of 'Divya Ramasubramanian' given by different people in the order of who gave it and the alias itself.
( Note: This does not include my pet names and love-names

1) Who - ME! Until I was 3years old
Name - Ziya papa
(Translated - Ziya baby - Divya is quite complex to pronounce you know...)

2) Who - Every 5th person I meet
Name - Vidya
(Tempts me to believe that every 5th person I come across could be dyslexic!)

3) Who - Vicchu mama - Neighbour in Chennai
Name - Deepika
(He claimed its easier to remember and say, I had to remind him its not even close)

4)Who - Primary school
Name - R Divya
(I quite liked this short and sweet version)

5) Who - Guys in my building when I was a teenager
Name - matchis ki Dibya
(Furious, had a fight, stopped talking to them)

6) Who - High school teacher and hence a few teasing friends
Name - Davia Rama-Subra-Manian
(That was said by counting fingers)

7) Who - Junior high friends
Name - Divaiyya
(Ragged with the song 'Divaiyya vasta vaiyya...aaargh)

8) Who - Engg friends
Name - DR
(I quite liked it, but many 'non-welcome' people tried to hit on me pronouncing DR as 'dear')

9) Who - many
Name - Divya Subramanyam
(Conveniently forgot 'Rama' part - not too bad, can live with it)

10) Who - Friends
Name - Divs, Divi, Di, Diya, Diva, DP(abbr of Divya Pagal)
(Happily OK)

11) Who - Naughty Friends
Name - Ramu
(Now why drag my dad into this!)

12) Who - Family, when they want a favour from me
Name - Dibu/ Dibuma
(I retort with 'What do you want this time?')

13) Who - British Uni professor
Name -
(He preferred not saying my name at all. Once he was writing it down, asked me to spell it for him
Me: D-I-V-Y-A
Him: Is there really a Y after a V?)

14) Who - National Railway on my ID card
Name - Mr D R Bramanian
(How humiliating! I hate producing it to the ticketing officers - never meet their gaze :P)

On a similar note..

15) Who - My gym
Name - Divya R Banian
(I had entered Divya R Manian)

16) Who - A Bangladeshi salesman
Name - Dibba (on the verge of fainting, trying to read my second name, he skipped it)
(He did apologise for not being able to pronounce my name)

17) Who - European telephone banking guy
Name - Miss Ramas - ubarum....can I call you Miss Divya if u don't mind?
(I would give you a tenner for saying my full name, even if you pronounced it wrong!)

18) Who - My hairdresser
Name - Nivea
(Seriously, what were you thinking???)

This one's cool -
19)Who - ex-boss
Name - Divya Supermario
(One day my ex-manager bet him to spell my name correctly, ex-boss lost £5, though I gained nothing, sigh)

My best friend's name is Divya too. If you are reading this girl, you are more than welcome to add to the list :)

September 2006 - Its for the first time, I left home, moved to UK to make something out of myself. Ma was still coming to terms with my empty room, so she had called over my gran and uncle.

The day they arrive, she calls me and talks in whispers throughout the call. Here is the conversation-

Ma: I saw a CD on your computer table, but don't worry I 've hidden it
Me: What CD? Why did you hide it?
Ma: What would your uncle think of you if he sees it? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone
Me: (a thousand thoughts crossing my mind)WHAT CD IS IT???
Ma: I don't know, you have written 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' on it
Me: (rolling with laughter) Its a movie!!! Please watch it and show it to uncle as well. Its totally a normal movie
Ma: (quite stubborn) Gran and uncle are not as forward as you. There is no need to mention anything to them!

All the explanation I gave her after that fell on deaf ears. So the next time I went, I showed her the movie and proved my point, much to her relief.

I wonder what must have been going on in her head...
I am happy she tried to save my ass though :)

There are restaurants in Paris where you need to make a reservation at least 6 months in advance for a dinner. They have great food, live music and excellent service. People usually propose at these places. The interesting fact is that these restaurants have two kind of menu cards - one with prices and one without.

The men always get the one with prices printed on it and the women get the one with no prices printed!

I wonder which other places do the same...and I wonder when will I get a chance to dine in one :)

...I loved listening to stories. Then I met AB who loves narrating stories. We clicked for many reasons one of them being his gift of gab. The flair with which he tells his stories is so captivating that he has earned a title of 'story-teller' amongst friends.

All these stories would be of people he comes across, incidents at work, many made up on the fly too! He also comes up with extremely convincing arguments or ideas that are often hard to say no to.

One afternoon, we were traveling in a bus from Borivali to Mulund. I was tired and deprived of sleep. I asked him to tell me a story and put me to sleep. He asked which kind of story I wanted to listen to, and I said the story of a farmer and a king. To my surprise he made up a beautiful story and I slept like a baby!

Ever since, I always ask him to tell me stories especially before I sleep and I give him a topic. There have been stories of naughty children, fairies, animals, birds and so many other things! My favourite characters are a squirrel named Rabbit and a rabbit named Squirrel who are best friends, Cookie the cat, Motu the naughty kid in the village, Chiu the bird, the enchanted forest of Guguland, the list just goes on! Every story has a moral, a feel-good factor to it and loads of cuteness. I sleep listening to them and get beautiful dreams...

Many times I think I should write his stories down - call it AB's fables or Tales from Guguland, but sadly, we seldom make it to the end of these stories. Half way through, either I fall asleep hearing his soothing voice or he falls asleep from fatigue and the stories remain incomplete.
Hmmmm, maybe I can make a daily soap out of it... Trust me, it will be any day more interesting than those stupid K-serials!

I, on the other hand, am a complete disaster when it comes to making stories. One day AB asked me to tell a story about Minku the monkey. I started off pretty well and neither of us were sleepy. I went on and on, but did not know how to end it! So I made a plot and had Minku bite and cut the lion's tail when he was sleeping and then the lion attacked Minku and ate him up. Phew, end of story! Pleased with myself I turned to look at him, only to find him deeply upset as I had killed his main character. Sadly he said "Tune mere Minku ko maara..." (You killed my Minku).

That night we both had terrible nightmares, thanks to my evil story! Ever since, telling stories is his department.

Of the many things that make a relationship special, I have my 'Tales from Guguland' happily added to the list!